The Professional Failed Actors (PFA) Society

“For Those Who Have Stumbled on the Grandest Stages”

Welcome to the Professional Failed Actors (PFA) Society, the world’s most exclusive organization for actors who have heroically failed—not in obscurity, but in the most prestigious and humiliating ways imaginable. As founder member and President I, Rafe Blackthorne, am proud to introduce this exciting new society.

Who Are We?

The PFA is a distinguished society dedicated to celebrating the art of high-profile failure. We are not a support group. We do not offer advice. We will not help you “try again.” Rather, we recognize that failure—when executed on the grandest scale—is a performance in itself, deserving of respect, laughter, and possibly a commemorative plaque.

We are the nearly-cast, the almost-famous, the runners-up to Hollywood’s most coveted roles (that ultimately went to a household name who was “going in a different direction”). If you have ever been told, “It was between you and someone who can actually act,” then congratulations—you may qualify.

Membership Requirements

The PFA is not open to amateurs. Simply having failed is not enough. Any hopeful applicant must provide verifiable proof that their rejection occurred at the highest level. Examples include:

• A formal rejection letter from the Royal Shakespeare Company, Broadway, or the National Theatre, ideally phrased in a way that implies they’d rather stage an interpretive dance of Moby-Dick than cast you.

• Evidence that you were personally turned down by a major director, preferably in a way that suggests they will remember your failure forever.

• Screen test footage where you visibly realize, mid-audition, that you are about to destroy your own career.

• Any instance where you were asked to leave a production “for creative reasons,” which, upon further investigation, turned out to mean you.

Notable Members’ Greatest Failures

While discretion is valued, we proudly share the misfortunes of our most esteemed members:

• The Phantom That Never Was – One of our founders famously made it to the final round of auditions for The Phantom of the Opera, only to be told, “We have concerns that your singing voice may be legally classified as a noise violation.”

• Rejected by a Cartoon – A veteran member once auditioned to be the voice of a CGI squirrel in a major animated film but was rejected because “The squirrel needs to sound more human.”

• Disappearing Act – A promising RADA graduate was cast as an extra in a major Hollywood movie but was digitally removed in post-production for “distracting the camera with his face.”

The Perks of Membership

• The PFA Coat of Arms – A symbol of distinguished failure, proudly displayed on all rejection letters.

• Annual Rejection Gala – A black-tie event where members gather to reenact their worst auditions in front of an audience of their equally unsuccessful peers.

• The PFA Archive – A growing collection of the most crushing rejection emails, letters, and voicemails in acting history.

Apply Today (If You Dare)

Think you have what it takes to fail at our level? Applications are now open, but be warned: mediocrity will not be tolerated. If your biggest disappointment is a local advert callback that didn’t pan out, you do not belong here.

For all others: submit your evidence of failure, and may your next rejection be as glorious as the last.